You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
