Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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