i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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