I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i just had sex bonerless
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
