I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
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