she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
