You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
