His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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