return my video game
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
