Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
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I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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