Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I am mentally ready for anal.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
