You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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