Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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