My friends, they love my intelligence
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
