she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
