let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
