I love black thongs
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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