you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
