so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
