I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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