and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
We named our party play list daddy issues
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
