I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
