I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
