I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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