3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
well, you know. whores of a feather.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
