I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
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He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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