I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
