Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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