I feel like abortions should bother me more
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize