he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize