I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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