Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
