you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize