2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
