You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
