i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
