and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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