We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
