What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
