I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
