The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
