dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We named our party play list daddy issues
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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