she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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