idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
