Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
