I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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