is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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