I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
