So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
