Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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