you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
