roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
