i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
