So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Blood and glitter go together right?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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