If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Dicks are not precious.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
