Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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