therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
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When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
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I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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