You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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