You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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