peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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