He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
